How to Brag re: Ironman

I found this online and thought it was too hilarious not to share ... funny enough, most of the triathletes that responded to the thread could completely relate.

Before I started to train an Ironman, I bought a training plan; I read books on hydration and fuel replacement, I listened to endless hours of advice from elite and pro triathletes. This information did help me finish, but it did not teach me how to correctly brag about being an Ironman.

My friends and I came up with a six phase program which will aid you in bragging about your Ironman . Use this plan from the moment you register until well after the race is complete for the most bang for your bragging buck.

Sign Up Phase: For most Ironman events, you have to register up to one year in advance. This gives you plenty of time to brag about doing an Ironman. During this phase, you must let all of your non-Ironman friends know you can't hang out with them anymore, because you just signed up for an Ironman. If you don't have any Ironman friends, then go to a place where runners or bikers hang out. Look for the Ironman symbol (M Dot) on their training clothes. An Ironman would never be caught running or biking without their Ironman stuff.

Training Phase: Training for an Ironman can be compared to having a part time job. You must let everyone you meet know this. This can be accomplished by sighing loudly at work, mumbling how tired you are because you just biked 100 miles, because you are in training for an Ironman. You can also skillfully steer the conversation with your neighbors and co-workers to your Ironman training. Here is an example:

Neighbor: "Did you hear what President Bush said this week?" Lee: "Were you aware that President Bush is a biker? I just biked 100 miles today. I am training for an Ironman."

Co worker: Lee, are you working late tonight? Lee: No, I have to get up early to do a 20 mile run.

I even once rang my neighbor's door and when he answered, I said "Sorry Bob, can't talk to you now, I am training for an Ironman."

One Week before the Race Phase: You need to let your neighbors and co-workers know you will be gone for a little while, competing in an Ironman. Once again, you can steer the conversation to your Ironman race.

Neighbor: "Wow Lee your lawn looks great!" Lee: "My lawn is going to look bad this next week; I will be competing in an Ironman."

Race Expo Phase: You must buy as much Ironman merchandise as possible. For years we saved our money to send both of my boys to private college, but sacrifices must be made. Both Derick and Ty will be going to junior college now. You must buy enough Ironman clothes to cover every day at work and training. You must also buy plenty of shirts for your spouse and children. They will also spread the word that you just finished an Ironman.

The Race Phase: At http://www.ironmanlive.com you can setup automatic emails and cell phone message notifications of your Ironman timing splits. You can use all of the entries in your email and cell phone address book. Include everyone regardless of whether they remember you are or not. It just does not matter, because you are an Ironman.

Post Race Phase: The finisher medal can be worn for one day per the number of miles raced and everyone knows that an Ironman is 140.6 miles. So wear that medal for 141 days (always round up as opposed to rounding down your finishing time). Your children must be trained to say, "My daddy is an Ironman. He gave me this shirt. He's an Ironman." This must be emphasized over and over with your children. I did not do this after I ran the Boston marathon, and Derick, my oldest boy, told everyone at his day care that his grandma ran the marathon. Your spouse must memorize all of your splits (swim, bike and run). You must also include both transition splits as well. Instead of wearing a shirt which states, "I am with Dummy", your spouse will wear a shirt which says, "I am with a stud Ironman". All conversations must be steered to your Ironman race.

Co-Worker: "Did you hear about the new work policy?" Lee: "Nope, I did not; I was racing in an Ironman."

For at least one month you can say, "Well, I 'm only going to run easy today, I just did an Ironman." When someone brings up a subject of hardships suffered, you need to remind them that you also have suffered through hardships while training and racing in your Ironman.

You can also use these ideas to brag about other races, but please only brag about races which are longer than 13.1 miles.

1. it's a joke, folks.

2. kind of.

1 month

With less than one month until the Houston Marathon, I feel pretty good about my training. There are days that I feel fast and strong and days when I feel weak and tired, but I trust my training.

Friday was one of those days where I felt tired and it is those days that I question my ability to hit my marathon goals, but after one day of rest and two days of excellent sleep I woke up this morning and did a super fast 6 mile run, averaging 8 minute miles. I guess that is why the taper is so important leading up to a race - it gives your body the rest it needs to prepare for the race ahead.

Less than one month until race day!

The Equivalent of the Party Foul ...

What do you call a faux pas or party foul in the workout world? Let's call it a Training Foul and I had one this week ...

Tuesday morning I was supposed to get up at 4:40 to be ready to run with Mark by 5:10. Well, I woke up and my clock read 5:36. Crap! I ran to grab my phone and sure enough I had 3 text messages from Mark. The ultimate Training Foul, I overslept on my training partner who drove 20 minutes to run with me!

I accidentally set my alarm for 4:40 p.m. instead of a.m. -- not the first time I have made this mistake, but I will definitely be more careful from now on (especially when someone is waiting for me)! The good news is that since it was not too late, I still managed to run 5 miles that morning before work. It was a great run despite the cold (I was running in my super warm and soft Nike top Allie sent for Christmas - thanks, Allie!).

Mark was so nice about the whole thing and even came over on Thursday without harassing me about setting my alarm correctly. I also told him next time he should ring the bell or call but he didn't want to wake anyone else.