Searching

Preface: I have had this post in draft form for three weeks and it just didn't feel "finished". Maybe I felt like I was not conveying with words how I feel or the balance struggle. Anyhow, after reading that Chrissie Wellington is taking a break from Ironman, I figured, if the reigning world champion is looking for balance, can't we all?

Ok, back to the post ...

The 1st of January has come and gone and I am doing my best not to be frustrated with myself for not having any clear cut goals this year. I don’t want to pick an arbitrary goal just to have a goal, yet, I NEED something to point towards.

I keep asking myself the very simple question “What do you want to accomplish this year? What sounds exciting to you?” and I don’t really have an answer other than I want BALANCE while still setting goals and attempting to achieve them.

I have always felt that I manage being a wife / mother / full time career woman who travels for her job / athlete / and so much more ... pretty well, but if I am totally honest with myself, there are sacrifices – big ones. I have a super supportive family so they don’t make me feel bad about the sacrifices I have made pursuing my athletic dreams, but I am the one that has to look in the mirror and be ok with those sacrifices. Looking back, I feel pretty good about the decisions that I have made to this point, but I don’t personally feel I can continue to make those same decisions right now. An entire weekend day of training every single weekend leading up to a big race is too much to give right now in my life.

I love racing long and I have thought about reducing my training (train smarter not longer) so that I can feel more balance yet still comfortably participate at the 140.6 distance (obviously with slower times) BUT the competitor in me doesn’t just want to “participate”. So, for now at least, I am leaving 140.6 off the table. I want to keep racing that distance and I know I can get faster, potentially even much faster, but that is a goal and challenge I am saving for another day. I still not-so-secretly want to get to Kona one day, after all (yep, I said it AGAIN, I am putting that out into the universe).

So, where does that leave me for 2012? I have thought hard about EPIC type goals (100 mile trail race anyone?) and the more mundane (get “faster”, have FUN!) but nothing specific is really tripping my trigger (BQ, xx:xx Oly). I am finished with my post 50K recovery running plan – so I am back up to running 35 miles per week – and that means that I do not currently have a plan. HELP!

Here is the reality for me, as an individual it is really easy to fall into the one-up trap. The “I did a sprint, now I am going to do an Olympic distance race, well how about a 70.3 … well, I guess all that is left is 140.6” one-up trap. So, once you have done 140.6, do you have to keep doing them, keep getting faster or go even longer to one-up yourself? I definitely see the appeal, but that certainly doesn't fit the balance goal I am in search of. There are EPIC type goals that allow for more balance than 140.6 but I am still searching for one that makes my heart flutter.

So, is 2012 the year of reflection and searching for the next big goal? Probably.

In the mean time, I have thought long and hard about what to do while I am searching. I want to stay fit, I want to race and I want to have fun. I don’t want to lose my base.

I have also spent a lot of time thinking about why goals like “going faster” don’t trip my trigger. I think it is because they scare me a bit, going fast hurts. It puts me out of my comfort zone … and you know what that tells me? That I should ABSOLUTELY make that my goal. I am a big believer that we should challenge ourselves by getting out of our comfort zones. The mere fact that it scares me, tells me that is why I should do it. I also hope that learning to go faster and to accept a bit of pain will help me mentally when I do go back to the 140.6 distance.

Having fun is the other goal that keeps creeping back into my mind. What does that even mean? Well, let me explain. When I was training for 140.6, I was super conservative, especially when training for the first two. For example, I wouldn’t play a pickup game of soccer or softball or sign up for Tough Mudder because I didn’t want to get hurt and risk my A race. I didn’t do a lot of shorter distance races because I needed to be training long on those days. I want to remove the shackles and do some of these fun races. I want to decide to visit a friend somewhere and do a fun race in their neck of the woods and have it be ok that it is not on my training schedule. Don’t get me wrong, I love schedules, but I also want to color outside the lines.

... now, I just need to decide what picture to start coloring!

Identity Crisis

What words do you use to describe yourself?

I am a Catholic wife, mother, daughter and friend. I am an endurance triathlete and hobbyist photographer. I am passionate in all aspects of life - family and friends, work and hobbies.

And now, I am having a bit of an identity crisis.

For the first time since April 2008 I do not have a big, fat hairy goal to chase or a big race on the calendar .... and I am lost.

I promised myself during peak IMTX training that I would take a year away from the IM distance, focusing on shorter races with at least a 70.3 next year to keep me honest. This would also allow me to pursue other goals, like an ultra trail race and/or bucket list races like Escape from Alcatraz, Goofy's Challenge or the Nike Women's Marathon, to name a few.

Sounds reasonable, right?

Let me take a step back though …

You may be wondering why I would want to take a year away from the distance in the first place. This is easy to answer.

Training for an Ironman is selfish. Now, don’t misunderstand me, I do think that we should all do things for ourselves that are inherently selfish – but we also need to recognize it. Selfish is not a “bad” word but it is an opportunity cost.

No matter how time efficient you are, if you respect the iron distance, you have to train long on the bike and that means a long ride (or really a long brick) every weekend leading up to the race.

I trained for IMTX from January to May – so let’s call it 5 months training. During that time, there were at least 2 months where my long brick took me until well into the afternoon.

With two boys ages 4.5 and 7, I feel like the opportunity cost is too great to give up that much of my weekend to training. I am lucky in that my family 100% supports this passion of mine and has encouraged me to sign up for another iron distance race, but my own guilt is holding me back.

I think that my struggle, well part of it anyway, is that all of races I am considering are in 2012 and I need a goal NOW (any ideas on getting into the San Francisco Nike Women’s marathon this year?). Another issue I am facing is that I have come to identify myself as an endurance triathlete, so how do I see myself if I am not currently training for an Ironman?

I also know that next May when everyone locally is gearing up for IMTX again, I am going to be jealous instead of relieved that it is not me out there training and racing.

This is the crux of my struggle – what I want to do versus what I think it best for this period of my life for my family. I don’t want to look back and regret that I missed this time with my boys.

Yet another problem with taking a year off the IM distance is that the necessity of signing up for most races a year in advance means that I may be looking at taking two years away from the distance. Thank God for races like Rev3 Cedar Point and Red Man that allow you to sign up much closer to the race, but I digress.

On a whim, I signed up for a local Sprint Triathlon on August 7 and I have been trying to add speed to my workouts as a new type of challenge, but that still leaves 5 months on the 2011 calendar.

I am not sure what I am asking necessarily, but I needed to share my struggle.
Any suggestions on making the transition from long course to short course? Any races I should be considering? What should I focus on this Summer and Fall before picking a goal for 2012?

Thanks for reading!

The Verdict Is In ...

Thank you so much for all of the great advice on whether I should race IMTX 70.3. I found myself being swayed back and forth as I read the various comments. Ultimately, I have decided not to race it, but after much deliberation I feel confident that I am making the decision for the right reasons.

Primarily, my reasons for not racing are: 1) save the money 2) save the time (avoiding a weekend in Galveston away from my kids, especially since I am traveling most of the following week) and 3) for $275 I want to race not be conservative.

After a month of 80+ mile bike rides, followed by good brick runs and two recent long runs of 16 and 17 miles, I am feeling more and more confident about my fitness. I even had a wonderful swim this weekend despite being out of the pool for over a week.

I am definitely finding the family / work / training balance more difficult this IM go round, but am happy that I have two finishes under my belt so that I can be more flexible with my training without losing confidence in my ability to have a good race.

Thanks again for the advice - I will miss the fun and the atmosphere in Galveston, but it is the right decision for me this year. Have a great training week!

Remember Me?

I have just wrapped up one of the busiest months in as long as I can remember. The juggling act between family, work and training hit a serious peak over the last month between wrapping up a major project for work, traveling, two birthdays and two birthday parties, our whole family fighting the flu, oh and of course, training for a little race that is just around the corner.

I had my longest brick to date this weekend - 80 miles on the bike followed by a 5 mile run. I am starting to feel at home again in the saddle, but I am not quite to where I was leading up to Cedar Point.

Starting at the end of March, I plan to spend the two months leading up to the race doing as many of my long rides on the IMTX course as possible.

I am looking forward to catching up on all of your blogs and sharing a few product reviews that I have been working on. Long rides give me lots of time to think - lots of blog fodder!

Happy Monday!

Conflicting Goals

"One of the most maddening parts about timed racing is that speed - the very component that truly defines success - is largely incidental. Whether it's swimming, biking or running, speed is overwhelmingly influenced by terrain, weather, equipment, and a host of other factors. Did you shave 10 seconds off your PR in the pool because of hard training or was it because of that new full-body rubberized suit? Was that 5K PR due to smarter pacing or was it a tailwind pushing you along? Nowhere are these questions more prevalent than when you're on the bike, where wind speed, road surface, tire choice, equipment aerodynamics, topography and even air density play a role in speed. How fast you go is all that gets recorded in the official results, but it doesn't even come close to telling the whole story of what it took to get there."

- Jordan Rapp, "Power Play", Lava Magazine

The above is an excerpt from a Lava Magazine article on training with power (which I don't, in case you were wondering). This concept that speed is incidental is one of the first lessons that Coach Carole taught me last year. Carole was far more concerned about the execution of my plan (for a given workout or race) than she was about my speed, since it is all relative.

That brings me to this quote from Mirinda Carfrae from the "Chasing Down a Ghost" article, also in Lava Magazine (by Susna Legacki) ...

"My goal was to race my own race, and I did that. I knew that people would ask about Chrissie (Wellington, 2009 champion who did not race due to illness), but I really know that I raced my best on my best day and I just wanted the focus to be on that."

So, what does all of this have to do with me? With week two of IM training behind me, I have been struggling to articulate my triathlon goals for 2011.

I can say without question, on a perfect day, I would like to break 12 hours at IMTX. To refer to my teammate Mike Moore's (no relation) term and one that I have used before, it is my BHAG. Big, Harry, Audacious Goal -- a stretch goal that is still achievable.

But I don't want to define success at IMTX based on a time goal. My goal at Cedar Point was to race my best on my best day, to adapt to the conditions and know at the end of the race that I had done my best. I feel like I got 90% of the way there (see my run race report for details).

So, for IMTX my goal will be the same - to race my best race. Will my fitness be there to break 12 hours? Will the conditions help me or hurt me? I can control the first (well, some what, more on that ...) but not the second.

IMTX will be my third Ironman but the first I have trained for with a significant work travel schedule. The workouts that suffer the most during travel are typically the ones in the pool. Hotel pools are invariably too small and a lot of the small towns I visit do not have other facilities available close by.

Going through this exercise has also reminded me of why I compete -- I enjoy having a goal to work towards, I like this lifestyle and I like pushing myself from time to time to see how I am doing (e.g. a race). What I have also realized though, is that after 3 years in the sport, that improvements in race times will be harder to come by and I have to be ok with that, unless I am willing to sacrifice something else (time/balance, money) to get faster, which for the time being, I am not.

Like race day, I am going to do the best I can through training. I am going to get in all of the workouts that I can, and especially the long training and intervals and know that when I show up on race morning that I am racing as a wife, mother, full time employee and athlete. I will be mentally prepared to push hard to race my best race - regardless of the time on the clock when I cross the finish line.

p.s. I ordered the Cycleops 2 Fluid Trainer - product review to come!

The Pendulum Swings

Yes, the rest of my race report is way over due.

It IS in process, but my frequent flier account has been getting more action than my running shoes.

Two weeks before Cedar Point I got a new, exciting opportunity at my company. While the weeks leading up to Cedar Point were hectic, I was tapering and the craziness of transitioning to a new job was a (too) good distraction.

After the race, I came home to recover and jump feet first into my new job. Just like ramping up for peak training when the pendulum swings far to the training side of life, the pendulum has now swung far to the work side of life.

Thankfully, the timing is perfect. I am sure that I would have managed my tri training load with my new job if, for example, I was racing IMFL again this year, but thankfully it has not been necessary.

It is hard for me to embrace the off season, so this somewhat forced hiatus is probably a blessing in disguise and when December / January roll around and I start to ramp back up my training, I should be well situated in my new job and mentally and physically ready to tackle Ironman again.

For now, I am thoroughly enjoying the workouts I manage to fit in, spending as much time with my family as possible and embracing the pendulum in its current spot. Race report to follow soon!

Hours in a Day

At a post t-ball dinner recently, one of the other parents asked me about my training and, in what I perceived as perhaps a slightly accusatory tone, asked me whether my training takes up 30% or more of my time. Intuitively I said no, but admitted that training is a significant time commitment.

The conversation stuck with me and I decided to play around a bit in Excel to see exactly what percentage of my time I spend doing various activities in a given week. I am a total data nerd, I know ... so, how do you spend your time?
The hours left represent, well everything else, including quality family time - a big priority for me (one that I could not quantify by a daily time allowance). Thankfully, I also get family time during meal times, commuting (when I take the boys to/from school) and at church. I could have attempted to put in even more categories, but really, the remaining items are so diverse they would not make up a statistically significant percentage of my weekly time.

What this exercise showed me was that sleeping and working take up the majority of my time, followed by "hours left" -- and it really confirmed what I already knew, that is, that I make time for what is important to me.